Happy Birthday Papa

It is a good day. The day my sweetie was born. Happy birthday to you Papa!!! We had a party already when everyone could get together so today was just us and the poo. She insisted he get ANOTHER cake for his birthday so we got him a cheesecake sampler after we took him and fed him ribs. He is a happy man today! I went to see my mom this morning also. Her chemo was postponed for a week due to shingles. She is miserable right now but in better spirits after our visit.
The poo is also very good. She has come up with a mystery bruise on her face. She says something bit her and she did not fall, but I wonder how true that is. She is as graceful as her mother- meaning she could be standing still on flat ground and fall and break a bone. Other than that all is well.
I ran into an old friend this evening while we were out and about. That was a nice trip down memory lane. Love to remember those days and so very glad I have grown out of them tehehehe.At least for the most part. Work is still work. Pretty much the same ol same ol. Love ya

This is my dear sweet niece. She is learning to drive and will be street legal in just a few short months. EVERYONE RUN!!! Just kidding, she is doing ok. I am very proud of her. It seems not to long ago she was driving her little push car all over the front yard. Where does all this time go? I miss the cute little smile she gave me when she said "Memaaaawwww" (yes that is what she use to call me) like I was pulling her chain and she new it. We use to do so many things together. Now she is almost grown. Trying to decide which college and what major takes up a good deal of her time.So many changes lately. My mom getting ill. 2 good friends have had babies in the last 3 days, my stepson turning me into a grandmother at 32. So much good and bad intermingled through life. I am still amazed everyday and continuously more thankful. As we all should be......

Just Angry

Ok, well I finally got a minute to get online so here goes. I am so sick of doctors and nurses and rude people in general. My mom had chemo on Tuesday, it is a 12 hour chemo session. She was told to be there when they open, and we were. She waited 2 and a half hours before I finally told them we were leaving. Miraculously they had room open and were able to get her in. She had to have massive pain medicine and then they bitched, I mean bitched about having to stay late because her chemo is so long. Somehow we were done at 6:30 when it should have been 10 o'clock. They did not give her the fluids. So today she was an hour late. A flat tire in the very cold wind. It took a while for her and my aunt Lillie to get it aired up to go to the doctors. They f-ing chastised her. Told her she should consider herself lucky she got in at all. Hello? Hello? Anyone home? Are you not the same people that made her wait not 2 days ago? The same people who cheated her out of some of her treatment so you could leave early? Who the hell do you think you are. So, I called to ask exactly that. You see today is the first day I was not there. I had to take care of business in this neck of the woods today. I explained that we do not give a mother f-ing damn if it is easier for them to do chemo in their office. It is easier for her at Hendrick and that is where it would be scheduled from now on. If it was to difficult to accomplish this we would simply find a doctor that was capable of doing so.
Now I realize they have a lot of patients and I am not trying to be an ass. I have only one mother, and she is dying. I simply wanted them to understand that if they treated all their patients that way, they would not have any and that this was simply unacceptable. She felt so bad about them having to stay and then they were incredibly rude to someone who already feels like a burden to to the loss of movement and massive amount of appointments. Its bullshit. Ok I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

Sorry so long

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I have been quite busy with work and travel to the doctors with my mom. She seems to be handling the chemo pretty well. Emma is doing good but very clingy since she is not seeing me much these days. I hate being away from her but it is a necessity at this time. Definitely not ready for Christmas. I miss getting to go to curves and work out. I miss my friends. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday with their loved ones and I will try to post again soon

Knowledge is power

Well, my mother starts chemo tomorrow. We will be going to Abilene at the butt crack of dawn. I am not sure if they are going to put the port in tomorrow or at a later date. There is so much we still do not know about.
On the bright side, my aunt came in today from Katy. My mom seems very happy to be getting to spend some time with her before this event. My aunt has said she will come down for every set of chemo and go home while I am taking her to radiation. She wants to try to get her a hotel room for the 3 day chemo rounds so my mother doesn't have to travel every day during the chemo. That will be a wonderful help to all of us. I can take the driving but I am not sure my mom could hold up.
We had a wonderful family dinner tonight. My aunt adores Poo and Poo even smiled at her a few times but still no talking:) Stephanie and Courtney joined us and a good time was had by all. For a little while we were just a family happy to be in each others company. Papa did not even seem to mind being the only man in the estrogen ocean that is my family. He lived through a dinner with six women and seems to even enjoy himself.
I am grateful....hopeful...scared....tired....mostly grateful for the love of family.
Family born to and family chosen, they are what everything is about. For chosen family who read this WE LOVE YOU and thank you for your help, your kindness and your prayers.

The deed is done

Well, its done. I wasn't sure I could do it but I managed. Last night I told my sister our mother has cancer and she has to start chemo next week. I have been sick about it for days. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to say. She took it about like I had thought she would, as most people would. She was crushed and shocked.
It is a life changing event for everyone involved. My mom is going to have to move in with us while she goes through chemo and radiation for the next several months. I will have to drive her to the treatment center 5 days a week and then go to her house to care for her animals every day. I am hoping my employer will be willing to work with me so that I can keep my job. I really can not afford to lose the insurance on my daughter and myself. Also, I am trying to figure out how we can spend more money on gas and groceries while bringing in less money due to me not working.
What worries me the most is that I will not be able to physically hold up to the task. Some of you know that I have active Lyme disease. It has wrecked my body. I have fought very hard over the last year to regain strength and stamina, but I am not where I should be. What if I get sick? What if I just can not hold up to it? How do I explain to a 3 year old about her grandmother's illness? She will be seeing my mom everyday as she goes through treatment. If anyone has any ideas please feel free to share.
There are a thousand what if's going through me right now. All I know is we will make it work somehow just because we have to. Thanks for listening. Love ya

Dealing with change

Well, today is a new day and there are a lot of changes to come in the next week or two. A transition time, so to speak. There is so much to do and it is almost too overwhelming. Maybe being so busy will help to keep us focused.
I am the type of person who does not like change. I like to have a routine. I am not very spontaneous, I am a planner. So how does a person like me deal with a major change that I have no control over? What do I do with all the changes that this will likely cause? How do I handle what I can not plan for? I GET DRUNK ! Just kidding, I am not a drinker either.
I suppose at this point I just hunker down, roll up my sleeves and pray that what I do is the right thing to do. I do not know what is the right thing so I am just hoping that the decisions made are the best for the situation at hand. Mostly I just don't like the uncertainty. Hopefully it will all be for the best and refocus what is truly important in life.
I do know that at least David is willing to help me clean up the house for a change. Hahahaha. That will be nice. I get to rearrange which is always fun for me. Maybe he will even let me paint the bedroom and living room. I have been wanting to do that for a while. We will see how it turns out. Maybe I can post before and after pictures if he agrees to the paint:) Love ya