Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Cuppa coffee anyone?

How do you make the PERFECT cup of coffee? I honestly do not know because this is how I make coffee :
First, I open one eye half way and sound like I am breaking bones as I stand to stumble to the bathroom. Bump the kitchen table on my way with my hip (ouch)then have difficulty finding the bathroom doorknob as the eye I have half open is blurry. Then have a minor heart attack as I sit down, OMG that's cold. Stumble back to kitchen rubbing closed eye in hopes it will open too and voila! Both eyes open and somewhat focused...time for coffee.
Get a cup of filtered water and pour in with only minor spills. Add great coffee, turn on and wait. Stretch and yawn and finally I hear the final sputters of my one cup coffee pot. Yay!! Coffee is done. Grab cup...oops. Knock over cup onto hand. Shake hand vigorously to remove scalding coffee. Grab paper towels and throw them on huge mess in floor. Run for sink, rinse hand, pat dry. Grab burn spray and lightly coat. Go to get paper towels out of floor.
Chase the Poo's chihuahua puppy AKA the little prince while saying "DROP IT! DROP IT!" in the meanest voice you can muster while trying not to wake up the Poo. Finally get said paper towels from mischievious puppy just as he gets on the couch. Slip in the mess he has made dragging paper towels through house and wonder to yourself if it is just coffee or if you scared the pee out of the poor dog.
Go wash hands and feet in bathtub as now you are certain it is a coffee and pee mix. Get mop.
Here the pitter patter of little feet and know your whole morning is shot. No quiet time to reflect for you. "momma is that you? Why are you making so much noise? Prince didn't mean to be bad. He is just a puppy and he is still learning."
Mop up mess while feeling guilty about scaring the innocent puppy who seemed really guilty and wrong just moments before. Realize as you have mopped a strip about a foot wide and 30 feet long, just how bad that made the rest of the floor look. Stand and stare at really clean line going through the middle of your house and decide if you want to mop the rest of the floor or just make that part dirty again so it matches. Decide to mop tonight after everyone lays down so there are no footprints in the clean floor as it dries.
Go back to coffee pot and finish cleaning. Wash hands and add burn spray again.
At this point , do you try again or just all load up in jammies and snuggies and go to see Lynette who you know always has fresh coffee and currently a lot of liquor to go in it?
She practically invented mornings. Just ask her Dear Hubby. She goes outside at the buttcrack of dawn and tells it to hurry up, she has things to do and doesn't like doing them in the dark. Yes to Lynette's we will go. I know she will offer me a cup before I can ask if she has any fresh. Then as I tell her about my morning she may even offer to hold the alcohol jugs up for me so I can stand under the tap with my mouth open.
Bundled up we are and open the front door to see this.
Yuck. The roads have been driven on and re-frozen in a solid sheet of black ice. Back inside we go.
So if anyone knows how to get the perfect cuppa coffee please share one with me. I need this, desperately.


Lynette said...

ha ha ha and today we had to go and find coffee as no electric...and it was not good coffee....nor did it have booze.....should have come to your house at butt crack of dawn, mopped floors, feed puppy and made coffee.

You can come now!

jenjo3d said...

Just as soon as the 3 cheesecakes I am making come out of the oven and can be SHARED by other people who have had A DAY!

Ayvea said...

I don't drink coffee so I can't help you...sorry.