Monday, February 7, 2011

The dilema of a friend

OK, I know its sounds cliche but I have this friend who is having a problem. She chatted with me a good bit this morning about an issue she is having at work. Here is the story:
My friend doesn't want her name thrown out there so we will cal her Beth.
Beth works long hours and one of the ladies she works with has started making rude comments to her. Talking down about the quality of her work, making comments about her appearance, things like that. But she is doing this under the veil of friendship.
She will make a comment like "Oh you poor thing. You must have had a bad night, you look like you slept in those clothes and just jumped right out of bed to make it on time. Is there anything I can do to help?" She does this in front of other workers sometimes but in private as well, so Beth hears it more frequently than her co-workers do and when she mentions it they tell her she is over reacting.
Beth has tried to politely tell her she doesn't appreciate the comments but the lady acts as though Beth is hurting her feelings and rejecting her as a friend, as though she has done nothing wrong and Beth is the bad guy. The lady offers her assistance as in "Oh you are swamped, I can help you catch up." but if Beth accepts help then the lady goes and tells others how poor Beth just isn't cutting it and has to be bailed out and she put herself out there just to help a friend. But she is bad mouthing Beth the whole time. She even went so far as to invite herself over to Beth's house and then trash talked her home at work.
Beth doesn't want to cause problems at work and most people see this lady as a wonderful person but do not see the malice behind her actions. Beth is a good employee, she is never late and doesn't call in. She gets her work done in a timely manner and does a good job without complaining.
We all know or have known someone like this lady. What advice can I give my friend?The job market is tough and I understand she doesn't want to make waves at work so keep it polite please. Any advice would be helpful because all I could say was to avoid her as much as possible.
So if anyone has an idea please leave a comment and I will pass it along. Thanks everyone!


Lynette said...

Oh how I hate people like this...but turn the tables. Use the same idea.....respond in like.

She says you look frumpy in a nice way....then tell her how good she looks, it must take her hours and hours to get ready in the morning.

She says your overloaded...then tell her that it is wonderful that she has so much time on her hands that it must be amazing to be so organized all the time.

Just service with a smile, nod of the head and on your way....way way away from her.

jenjo3d said...

Oh Lynette! That is a great idea. I love it!! I already sent her an email with advice enclosed. Thanks so much!!